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 Desperation City: New recruits

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sip
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Location : Dalmatian Street #XXX, XPF District...

PostSubject: Desperation City: New recruits   Sat Jun 27, 2009 5:19 pm

This is my second attempt at writing a story, and my first time doing it alone.. i would like some critique i order to get better.. or stop writing.. xDD.. hope to see your honest replies ^^..

- - -

"And i kept tackling until my friend opened the gate and we flew away from the truck".

Two new friends laughed while telling memories from past journeys, a nice way to begin with the summer days. new neighbor next to the house, and His pet, a very strange looking dog, leather jacket, and a spiky collar. "very strange way to be dressed like" he though "At least she's a kind whippet"

"that would be awesome. Don't you miss it?, the power... having a life without that is not that "super" isn't it?" the strange female said. "All that was a lie, besides i got what's important to me. A house, a family" "a really boring life" the whippet interrupted him before he could end the sentence. "Safe life for my family" he continued.

"As long as my family is happy it worths being normal" he said showing a slightly sad look in his face, "You are dying every day you live like this, BUT!.. what would you be willing to do if you get those powers back, in real life i mean, if you can become a real super dog.. to get your old life back, to protect your house, your family... Penny" she whispered showing a big smile towards the white shepherd. A sinister glow could be seen in her eyes, He didn't noticed what she was planing to do.

"But in the other paw. I think you may not be able to handle it" she stated. "What you mean with that?" "The girl Bolty, is the only thing that weakens you, she holds you back, Penny don't let your potential grow" she hold him by his shoulders and looked into the fake hero's eyes, she was wrong, he was made like that before to protect her from danger, no matter fiction or not, that was never going to change.

"You are crazy!, with super powers or not, I would never leave Penny! She's happy with her life like this" he took a few steps back before walking towards his house. "Think about it Bolty, stop thinking about her.. start thinking about you and your needs" she tried to convince him, there was no use.

The whippet gave a sigh and now with an angry look she told him "you disappoint me, I didn't wanted to do it the hard way..." suddenly gave him an evil grin showing her fangs ".. actually, i was going to do it anyway", the kind and friendly female dog was no more. It was like she transformed into another dog, she wasn't nice or innocent, not anymore.. a fake smile couldn't hide her evil intentions. Her fur changed slowly from a pure white to a purplish tone, he could see two wings coming out of her black jacket. "What are y-" but he could not finish his question when with a snap of her claws the sky went black and windy, an explosion could be heard from inside of the house at that moment.

"Is amazing the things you can do with special effects these days" "what, how did you do that!?" he asked stunned, watching his home on fire. that wasn't time for questions "They are still in there!" he said to himself, running towards the house but the fire was too intense to just run inside but that didn't matter, he barely stood a few meters away from the fire "too hot, must find another way" he said.

"What's the problem hero?, aren't you fire proof?, ohh wait.. no you're not" she said laughing, getting closer to the flames but she didn't got burnt, it was like they where softly caressing her body "shake my paw and you'll be able to save them" she said offering her left paw to him. "Will i be a super dog again for real?" he asked.

If she could start a fire just snapping her fingers, what else she might be able to do?, would she be able to give him super powers too?. "You'll have your strength back, heat vision, super speed.. and the ability of not being just an average and boring dog anymore.. what'ya say, we got a deal?". he thought about it for a minute slowly offered his right paw looking at her "yes, it's a deal".

"Welcome to the team Bolty" she whispered grabbing his paw and pulling the dog forward against her chest, she started to create a path with her sharp claw, drawing a familiar shape on his left side before she pushed him inside the fire "Have fun being a hero!" she gave another laugh watching the white german shepherd being consumed by the wild fire. suddenly all went black, no more sound, no family in danger, or house, even a life, it was all in peace, at last.

"Noo!", he woke up heavily breathing. A dream, all that was a dream. After all he was only on her owner's bed sleeping, having a horrible nightmare, but "Ouch.. what is this?" he said to himself. Slowly placed his paw in the left side of his body to check what happened. Blood!. a wound in the exact shape of a lightning bolt? How?, unless all that was real. Suddenly He could felt it, something changed inside, he had to try it. Suddenly he ran outside of his home and ran to a place where he could test his brand new gift from that weird dream.

Meanwhile in a peaceful farm in the other side of the country a conversation started in a average looking toolshed. "Where where you!? it's 5.00 am" the angry pup said. "you where worried about me?, thats so sweet" she said grabbing the pup's chin. "enough! what where you doing all night? you know we'll go to the city in two days" he said showing an angry face to her, mistakes must not be part of the equation this time.

"I just recruited your champion for the upcoming war".

To be continued... ?
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Olwe
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PostSubject: Re: Desperation City: New recruits   Sat Jun 27, 2009 6:19 pm

Nice story *applaus* cheers I like it =3
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Johny
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PostSubject: Re: Desperation City: New recruits   Sun Jun 28, 2009 12:06 pm

u have to say you wrote pretty well,
i like how the story goes, ad also you left me intrested and now i want to know more about the story it hooked me xp
i hope you continue the story ^^
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